I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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