Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
