were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize
