We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize
