# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
