i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
