there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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