just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
