YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Randomize
