I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Randomize
