i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Randomize
