My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
