i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
I think my moral compass just broke
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
