2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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