Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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