My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Randomize
