don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
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