still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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