every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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