I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
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