Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
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