another moral hangover. fuck.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
