If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
