My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
