That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
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