Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
there was a trapeze. enough said
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
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