Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
