I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
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