I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
