The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
