Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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