hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
