I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
