she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
