Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
