U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
