At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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