how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
