Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
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