I think I won the penis lottery.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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