My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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