I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
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