At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
