bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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