Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
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