"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
