It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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