Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
