My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Randomize
