He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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