left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
