oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
