saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
